A Speech
by Bralt
Summary: Crowley's favorite pet dies and Halt has to write a speech for it, but does he take it seriously? Please review.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice or any of its characters**

A Speech

Will walked out of his bedroom to find an odd sight. Halt was at the table with a cup of coffee like he always was in the morning. But he seemed to be talking to himself. Will frowned as he caught the words 'speech' and 'rather plan my funeral'. Worried, Will walked to the table and took his regular seat. Halt just gave him a look then resumed his muttering. Will noticed how Halt had the table set up like a desk with paper and quills everywhere.

"What are you doing Halt?"

"Trying to write a meaningful speech about a dead fish I never met." Halt frowned as he scratched out a line on the paper.

"Why?" Will looked a little concerned.

"Because Crowley has gone and underfed another one of his stupid pet fish. Apparently he had a strong bond with this one and thinks his closest friend, which sadly happens to be me, should write a speech about it for the burial at the Gathering." Halt threw down the quill and glared at it, willing it to burst into flames.

"And you agreed?" Will was getting more worried by the minute.

"I had no choice. Crowley's whining and crying is worse than your never ending questions." Halt looked thoroughly agitated.

"What have you got so far? Maybe I could help." Will peered at the papers, trying to read upside down. Halt cleared his throat and Will quit his snooping.

"If you really want to help, I'll read you what I've got so far." Halt picked up a piece of paper that had scribbles all over it. "This Gathering we have to sadly suffer the loss of Crowley's thirty-first fish that, surprisingly, died of starvation like the other thirty. I remember the first fish that Crowley got and I have to say that I'm not surprised that it died slower than this one…"

"Halt!" Will interrupted. Halt glared at him.

"What?" He tossed the paper back on the table and willed it to catch fire.

"Don't be so insensitive! Crowley is probably heartbroken already; he doesn't need you to make him feel any worse!"

"Yes mother, I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. He is only a grown man. I should feel upset about his loss of, yet another, fish," Halt said sarcastically. Will shook his head.

"I'm sure the other Ranger's feel a little sorry. I know I do, he loves fish and he's lost so many. I think you just don't know what it's like to lose a pet." Will looked at him thoughtfully, as if what he was saying was smart.

"It was a fish! And not his first but his thirty-first! He should be used to it by now!" Halt crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it at Will.

"Just try to be sensitive. If this upsets him, we'll all suffer. Who knows how he'll react if you get up and give this speech? You have to try and make him feel better not try and make him feel worse."

"If you think I'm so unemotional, you write a speech. You'll find that it isn't so easy to write a 'sensitive' speech about a dead fish." Halt took his coffee off the table and finished it.

"I will as a matter of fact." Will stood and walked to his room to get started.

"Do it on your own time! You have to dust out the cabin and practice right now!" Halt called.

"Fine. And Halt?"

"Yes?"

"When I'm done with my chores can I have the day off?"

"No rest for fools." Halt answered.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice or any of its characters**

Will walked inside the cabin for lunch. Halt had cleared the table of all paper and quills and was now eating his lunch. Will sat down across from him and began eating what had been set out for him. Halt looked up at him.

"So how's your speech coming?" Halt waited for an answer.

"It's going very well if you must know. I think it tops yours by a long shot." Will grinned.

"May I hear it?"

"Sure. But you do realize that you still have to write your own _original_ speech right?"

"Yes, yes. I have the rest of today before we set out for the Gathering. I'll think of something." Halt waved the matter off as if it was no big worry. "I won't lose too much sleep over it."

Will pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and cleared his throat. Halt rolled his eyes. "We are here today to mourn the loss of Crowley's beloved thirty-first fish…"

"We are there because it's the Gathering and we were forced to listen to this. And I doubt that fish was beloved by anybody but Crowley." Halt interrupted.

"If you don't mind." Will said testily. Halt shook his head and continued to eat. "As I was saying, Crowley has had plenty of fish in his life but this one touched his heart. It…"

"It's a fish! You're talking as if it's a family member he's lost!"

"In a way, he has. He lives alone with his horse and we all know how they can be. You need to be nicer and more understanding of other people's feelings." Will looked at his mentor seriously.

"I understand that you have completely lost it and need a good smack on the head, maybe then you'll realize that we're talking about a fish. But I suppose that when you read this to him, he'll be distracted by the laughter and he won't remember his devastation." Halt looked at Will and shook his head. Will needed to stop being so nice. Sometimes people needed to hear they were being ridiculous.

"I'd like to hear what you're writing. Crowley will be so sad if he finds out that his closest friend didn't write a speech for his beloved fish." Will folded the paper back up, coming to the conclusion that Halt wouldn't want to hear any more.

"I still have to write it. But like I said, I have time." Halt waved the matter away again. "Now finish lunch and go take care of Tug. And let me remind you that one apple is quite enough."

"That isn't going to go well with Tug. Remember how last time you said that he came after you? You had to climb a tree to escape." Will snorted. It had been the funniest sight to see Halt running away from an enraged horse.

"Go!" Halt growled. The memory was a touchy subject for him.

Will hurriedly got up and walked out the door to care for his horse. Halt leaned back in his chair and finished his coffee. He looked at the empty cup with a desire for more.

"I'll get to the speech later," He said to himself as he went to make another pot.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice or any of its characters**

"Crowley's not going to be too happy to find out you didn't write a speech. I'd be willing to bet that he'll be really upset and you'll feel terrible." Will shook his head.

They were a few minutes away from the Gathering and Will hadn't stopped pestering Halt about his speech since they had set out. Halt had found out that Will was planning on giving his speech prior to him and that annoyed him. It was just a fish! Right now Halt gave his signature scowl.

"Like I told you before, I'll come up with something. I don't need a stupid piece of paper to tell me what to say. Crowley has probably moved on anyway. He's been through this thirty times."

"It won't be meaningful though. If anything you're going to make Crowley feel worse."

"So you've told me. Why are you so worried?" Halt slumped forward in his saddle. This conversation was getting old.

"Because he is our friend and he has just gone through something terrible." They reached the fork in the road and Gilan joined them like usual.

"What're you talking about?" Halt sat up and fixed Gilan with his gaze.

"Will seems to think that Crowley's loss of a fish is tragic. I keep telling him that Crowley has had thirty other fish that died the exact same way as this one." Halt swung his gaze onto Will. "And apparently I am a criminal and a bad friend for not writing a speech." Gilan gasped.

"You didn't write a speech? He asked almost every Ranger to write one! We're going to bury the fish tonight after we read them."

"I'll come up with something. If the other Rangers are actually being serious about this, then I might be the only one who hasn't gone insane. And I'll be sure to make that point recognized." Halt tapped his heels against Abelard and raced ahead to the clearing.

Gilan and will followed close behind. As they came into the clearing, a form approached them. Halt almost didn't recognize it. The form seemed to be slouching and it walked with a tired gait. As he approached, his features became defined in the midmornng light. It was Crowley, his hair was all ruffled up and his eyes were a little puffy.

"Hi guys. How was the journey?" Crowley's voice sounded sad, nothing like his usual hyped up, energetic self. Gilan and Will rode up beside Halt and looked at Crowley sadly.

"Don't tell me you were crying about that fish. It. Was. A. Fish. Not a family member." Halt looked at Crowley with disbelief. He couldn't believe a dead fish turned somebody like him to this.

"Bubbles!" Crowley sobbed. "He was so young." Crowley buried his face in his hands.

"Come on Halt. Let's go get set up and get lunch started." Gilan looked at Halt accusingly then looked back at the sobbing figure in front of them. "You can join us." The commandant nodded and walked away sniffling.

They rode by Rangers waving and calling out greetings. Halt sat in his saddle and ignored them all. He couldn't believe Crowley's behavior. It was ridiculous. They finally got to a good place to set up and dismounted. Halt began to make a fire when Gilan stopped him.

"Make sure you have a speech ready by supper. Or Crowley will seriously lose it."

"I'll think of something." Halt said, yet again, waved the matter away and went back to setting up the fire while Gilan and Will went hunting.

Halt got the small fire going and prepared a cup of coffee. He sat and waited for the water to boil.

"I can write it later," He said to himself then leaned back to rest. Riding with Will was worse than running to the Gathering in his opinion.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice or any of its characters**

The Rangers made a circle in the middle of the Gathering ground. Crowley was in the middle looking, if possible, more upset than he had been. Once the Rangers were all lined up, Crowley took a deep breath and looked at all of them. His expression brightened a little.

"I'm so glad all of you came. It has been hard. That fish was important to me and I am so glad that you all seem to care about me." Crowley looked at Halt for a minute then turned to Will. "You can start the farewells." Will nodded.

Will read his speech and the Rangers clapped. Halt just rolled his eyes. This was the most ridiculous thing he had ever done. They went around the circle, each Ranger giving Crowley their condolences. After each one, Halt rolled his eyes and gave a halfhearted clap. When it was his turn, Crowley turned to look at him.

"It's your turn Halt. I know you probably did something great." Crowley smiled at Halt and Halt felt the slightest twinge of guilt. Then he remembered it was a fish they were talking about. He was going to make sure nobody forgot that.

"I don't have anything Crowley. I don't really think a fish would care either." Crowley's eyes started to moisten. "Besides, he's dead. A few sappy words aren't going to fix that." Crowley started to sniffle. "Oh get over it! You've had thirty other fish!" By now Halt was aware of the silence that had come over the group.

"Halt, I was sure you'd write something. You're my best friend." Crowley buried his face in his hands.

"And you are a grown man." Halt stepped forward and grabbed Crowley's wrist. "Come on, I need to snap you out of this." Halt started walking away with a sobbing Crowley and the Corps. following.

He walked to the nearby stream and the Rangers all fanned out down its length. He dragged Crowley to the bank and shoved him in. The Rangers stayed quiet while Crowley came up spluttering.

"What was that for?" Crowley asked angrily.

"It seems like you've snapped out of your depression." Crowley didn't hear Halt. He was looking in the water that was surrounding him. "What are you doing Crowley?" Halt asked.

Crowley reached into the water and cupped his hands around something. He smiled and held it up to Halt. "I got another fish!" Sure enough, a little goldfish was swimming around in his cupped hands.

"Great. Can't wait for the next funeral," Halt said in a growl. He walked away to his tent as the Rangers gathered around to look at Crowley's new pet.

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